Feeling Anxious

This week has been torture. We were supposed to find out the gender and due date of the baby but days have passed and no word from birth mother or attorney. I hope she calls tonight. I cannot stand the wait. It is making me feel as if maybe Jane is wavering in her commitment to the adoption plan. Everyone tells me just be patient, well I don't want to be. I want to know now. I want the baby now. I don't want this to fall through. I don't want to be a fool for believing, once again, that we have hope of becoming parents. I don't want to have to keep my job just because there is no baby at the end of this tunnel. I wish I had not told anyone but family about being matched with a birth mother because that means if it falls through then I have to go back with egg on my face once again and tell everyone there will be no baby this time... again. I want to trust God but so far He has not given me my hearts desire in this area. I want to believe it will happen. I don't want to be heartbroken.

Comments

Anonymous said…
sending so many hugs!
i hope hear very soon, i can't imagine your pain.

{hugs}
January 8, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Anonymous said…
Hey, remember that the people who truly love you and Dave are praying for you and will support you if anything "different from the original plan" must take place! I'm praying for peace, patience, and joy at every point in this journey, remembering and SEEING that God is so mighty in all this and I know He will fulfill His perfect plan!
January 9, 2009 at 7:23 AM
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