Adoption Update

Today I submitted our immigration paper work for our China adoption for a third time. This is the application to adopt which the US government requires, not the government of China. To put this into perspective. We first submitted this way back in 2006. It is good for 18 months. So once 18 months had passed, we had to submit it again. That time the US government was gracious enough to do it for free. I think they were expecting that all of would have our babies home before it expired again. Well here we are just 6 weeks away from it expiring yet again. That means we have been waiting a total of 36 months plus the five months or so we were paper-chasing for China. That is a stinking long time! Imagine a 36 month long pregnancy. This time the US government was not so gracious and decided that they were not going to giveaway refiles for free so today I wrote out a big, fat check to the Department of Home Land Security. Fun.

But honestly, every time I have to do something regarding our adoptions, somehow, it makes me feel motherly, like I am doing something for the children that, at the moment, are only living in my hopes and dreams.

Daylight Savings Time

Love it or hate, here is a nifty website my dad sent me about daylight savings time. One thing every body complains about is loosing an hour sleep but why not go to bed an hour early and sleep in an hour late, especially since day light savings time always lands on a weekend. Doesn't it? Maybe I should dig into this website and find out for sure.

Recently I added a poll to another blog that I maintain for Christ Fellowship volunteers so I thought I would try one here. Take my little poll to let me know if you like day light savings time or could you live without it.

A Blessing in Disguise

Dave's company closed its doors yesterday. I was shocked and devastated. My first thought was "what does this mean for our adoptions? " For sure we would have to postpone the domestic adoption. I did not bring up the topic until this morning, no need to stress Dave out at that point, I thought.

Although I could not understand why, Dave was almost jubilant about this turn of events. He began working his connections, preparing his resume and by the end of the day a few leads. He feels that this could be his opportunity to do what he really loves - aerospace engineering.

For quite a while Dave and I have not had to worry about our finances. We have a nice emergency fund. We have no debt except for the mortgage. We live on just one salary. My salary and the profit from my small book selling business is all extra. We have been using that money to save for adoption and recently we bought a new car with cash. (a money saving hybrid, and yes you do save money if you pay cash, not so much if you make take out a loan).

Anyway, back on track. Now I find myself becoming more and more excited about this opportunity. I really feel that these circumstances will help us to relate better to our budget coaching participants. It has also allowed our creative juices to flow. This morning Dave and I began discussing all the ways we can make our dollar stretch while he is out of work. We even discussed not really wanting to move too fast into another job so that we can really live and breath this experience and wait on just the right job. We understand, that not everyone is afforded such an opportunity and our heart just break for each family we know in such situtations.

At our last church staff meeting on Tuesday, Pastor Tom encouraged us to brainstorm about ways we could help the members of our church get through these tough economic times. The church certainly can't hand a check to every family behind on the mortgage. But there are many things we can do as a body of believers. And this is what we are so excited about! I am not sure how this will all pan out but I really want to take up this challenge and offer some ideas on how we can support each other as a church family. Flow, creative juices, flow.

Follow Up

Just to follow up on my last post:

• I did get an email back right away regarding the trial for in vitro matuartion. The one stumbling block - it is not free as are most medical trials. As far as fertility treatments go, it is relatively cheap - $5800 per cycle. But the trial is in New York so you would have to factor in travel costs. I have put it out of my mind as a possibility.
  
• I never heard back from Jeopardy. I suppose that means that either my score was so poor they didn't think it was worth even responding or they found that I am such a genius they are taking their time trying to decide how to respond. OK, maybe I am delusional.
  

There is nothing new to report on the adoption front. I spoke with our attorney and she has zippo in the works right now but still feels that the process will be much quicker than China. Speed is all relative.

In the meantime, I am keeping busy with church stuff and my own personal book selling business. Both of which consume the vast majority of my time. Dave and I decided that if an adoption does not come through within a few months than I should quit one or the other. I agree completely.

Oh, I got my hair highlighted for the first time ever. I will post a picture as soon as I get my haircut - hopefully this Friday.

Waiting for a response

Today I signed up for two things that are going to require some patience. I think I have learned patience quite well over the past few years.

The first thing is a clinical trial for a new type of fertility treatment call IVM or In Vitro Maturation. You can read about it here. I submitted my request to be in the study. I figured why not, if it is free and they don't create so many embryoes we can't use them all. If that is the case we will not go through with it.

The second this is the Jeopardy Test. I just finished the 50 question test. I have no idea how I did. Many questions I felt very confident, others I guessed at and a few I just passed altogether. At the end of the test the message said that my score was being calculated and I would be notified by email. There is still one more chance to take the test tomorrow night. So I am challenging all my blog buddies to take it! Maybe we can be on Jeopardy together!

You may or may not want to know how I have been doing over the past few weeks. Either way, I will tell you. Some days have been rough, others better. I am a little mad, a little sad. And really lacking faith that God is going to do anything about it. In my head I know that is not true but my heart feels differently.

I will post the results on both counts as soon as I hear anything.

Adoption Update, bad news...

So, here is the bad news - our adoption fell through. You may have already read Dave's blog but I thought I would go into a little more detail so I don't have to repeat the story over and over. I think it is best explained by way of a time line from the past few days.

• Tuesday AM - Our birth mother (BM) was supposed to have had an ultrasound to determine the baby's due date and the gender. She knew I would be calling to talk with her.
  

• Tuesday PM - When I called BM, she answered the phone and said, "Chrissy?" I said, no, this is Danielle. She asked, "Danielle who?" I almost slipped and used my last name but I quickly recovered and said, "Danielle with attorney LF (I used the full name)." It took her a minute and then she realized who I was. It was a very awkward moment. I thought, "how could you forget the name of the women who would be raising your child?" Our conversation moved on to her doctor's appointment. She explained that the ultrasound machine was broken but she did get to hear the heart beat and that it was strong. Her appointment was rescheduled for 9am the next morning. She went on to say that her other children we asking about us. She reiterated how happy she was to have found a couple like us and how right it felt. BM said I could call on Wednesday night at 8pm. As we hung up I was dissapointed and had a sinking feeling,

• Wednesday AM - We spoke with attorney, LF. She explained the birth mother expenses to us. She said she would call as soon as she heard from BM. LF also said that she would have the medical records ready for us on Friday. Getting BM's medical record's would have been the next step in the process. Once this was done we would have started to pay BM's expenses.
  

• Wednesday PM, 8pm - I attempted to cal BM. She did not answer. I spoke with LF, she suggested I wait about 3o minutes and call again. I did. Still no answer.

• Thursday - We don't here from BM or LF at all. I tried calling LH a couple of times, no response. I did not try to call BM. By this time I was begginning to suspect something was not right.
  

• Friday AM, 10:45am - I arrived at LF's offices to pick up BM's medical records. It is then that I find out that on Wednesday, LF asked BM for her lease to verify the rent request and ssince conversation BM had not returned any of the eight or so calls by LF on Wednesday or Thursday. LF also explains that another adoption attorney called to ask her if BM had been matched with a couple. LF said yes, reffering to Dave and I. That attorney then explained that BM had just called her asking to see parent profiles. LF also told me that BM had told her that her appointment for the ultrasound was at 1pm not 9am on Wednesday, which was another inconsistency. LF said that she does not like working with birth mothers who fail to return phone calls and appear to be deceptive. LF feels that this particular birth mother has been dishonest in her dealings and that we should not go any futher with her.

So that is basically it. I apologize if it is a little jumbled. It has been that kind of week. I am glad that our attorney saw the red flags before we started putting out non-recoverable expenses to the birth mother. Beyond our heartbreak, I feel for this child. It is unlikely that BM will find an attorney who is willing to work with her. I believe she truly was looking for an adoptive family, I just think she was shopping around for the best deal so to speak.

Although I did cry initially while I was with our attorney, I am not sure whether my lack of tears now is just peace or if it is resignation to the fact that this is just the way it is for us. I'd like to think it is the peace that passes all understanding that Phillipians 4:7 talks about.

Well, I have rambled enough. I don't really like how this post reads but it is all I've got tonight.

Feeling Anxious

This week has been torture. We were supposed to find out the gender and due date of the baby but days have passed and no word from birth mother or attorney. I hope she calls tonight. I cannot stand the wait. It is making me feel as if maybe Jane is wavering in her commitment to the adoption plan. Everyone tells me just be patient, well I don't want to be. I want to know now. I want the baby now. I don't want this to fall through. I don't want to be a fool for believing, once again, that we have hope of becoming parents. I don't want to have to keep my job just because there is no baby at the end of this tunnel. I wish I had not told anyone but family about being matched with a birth mother because that means if it falls through then I have to go back with egg on my face once again and tell everyone there will be no baby this time... again. I want to trust God but so far He has not given me my hearts desire in this area. I want to believe it will happen. I don't want to be heartbroken.